Hello!
Matt had his second hip surgery on Wednesday, and while we had some surprises this round (they changed their anesthesia procedures between the March surgery and this one) he seems to be doing really well already. He was pretty much ready to start rehab the day of surgery this time - and it took several days last time. I took a few days off to be with him, but he definitely didn't need my help as much as he did after the last surgery.
With Matt being out of work for the surgery and COVID-19 (we still don't know when/if he'll be back to work due to that) we've both been trying to focus on our side hustles. Unfortunately, when I pull up twitter to post something for the business, I'm assaulted by the grief and frustration of the pervasive racism, police brutality, and misogyny that is at the forefront of many people's minds and experiences at the moment. It feels tone-deaf to try to promote our business in the midst of this, no matter how much we need to monetarily, and navigating those waters have been very difficult for us.
Black Lives Matter. History matters. White Fragility and White Privilege exist, and the only way to combat the complacency of "I'm not a racist" whiteness is to push back against those voices. It is hard to have these conversations with those around us, especially with those we love - I very much do not want to offend loved ones whom I respect - but at this point in time it feels irresponsible to not say something. My silence is irresponsible.
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This week Peloton hosted a live ride with instructor Tunde, and it was hard. Not just because of events happening today/this week/this month/this year, but because she reminded me of who I really am and what I really believe.
I am the girl who ran screaming and swearing after a boy who keep showing my friend his ass in the 7th grade. I am the girl who walked with Kyle and Kate to confront the Westboro Baptist Church protesters outside our high school. I am the girl, who with high hopes, posted up information about Invisible Children on my Facebook page my sophomore year of college, expecting a wave of support like I had seen the week before when Facebook users protested a formatting change of said website. I am the girl who grew up listening to Louis Armstrong's Black and Blue, Nina Simone's Mississippi Goddamn, Tower of Power's Can't Stand to See the Slaughter, and James Brown's I'm Black and I'm Proud.
When I entered the teaching program at MSU, I had this idea that to be a good social studies teacher I had to not have outward opinions on current events or politics. If I want to get a job in a state like Montana, I need to keep my mouth shut, and show that I will not be a problematic hire. It's been especially difficult in the last few months as I apply for jobs and am not even a good enough candidate to get an interview. I've been putting pressure on myself to not stand out for my beliefs.
I can no longer pursue that track. I have to speak out, because I have to live with myself.
While it is difficult to have a positive attitude at this moment, I hope that we can move forward with real change from this point. I hope that those of us who don't understand the protests take the time to learn more about them. I hope that our governmental systems can recognize their part in the trouble, and take strides to rectify the situation.
I hope.
